O-mama-care, O-wifey-care, O-me-oh-my care

We saw a social worker y'day to try and work out our new normal. She talked to us about the grieving process, which I had already recognized, since we have experienced a lot of death in our family. I looked up online some "grief" websites and there were varying forms of grief stages: 7, 5, 3. What the heck? Does this mean that there are so many aspects that they couldn't box them in a neat container? I personally think there are at least a thousand steps of grief. Grief is so personal, so painful, so different for everyone. But thought I would print these for you. Maybe you have experienced a loss too, not necessarily a death per se, but the death of the life you once had planned.

Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":
 
7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.
7 stages of grief...
You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living. 

Then there was this one: 3 stages: short and sweet
Numbness
Disorganization
Reorganization
For gosh sakes, now I find out that I've been middle-stage grieving my entire life! Disorganization is my hallmark. Whooppee! I have learned to accept this and move on.
All joking aside, one thing the social worker told us is to accept what is and move forward with that knowledge i.e. OK to grieve, but recognize it. Fortunately, we are both pretty good at bouncing back. Well, I am, I just have to lovingly place that in my DH's brain. With a 2x4. I realize that I have always been the cheerleader. In fact, I have been called on this on many occasions. Not sad enough. Not serious enough. Do I even have normal feelings? Let me tell you, I hurt like I have never hurt before in my life. But I will be damned if I let this rule my life or color my world. I once asked my sweet younger brother who lives with macular degeneration how does he do it. His answer? "There are so many people who are worse off than me". You gotta love that. I am so grateful this isn't worse. I am so grateful that my DH is here to laugh with me and muddle through this. We muddle together. I can't stop being a mom, a wife, or me because the cogs in the wheel got bent. So they don't altogether mesh as much as we would like. Gonna make some new cogs to turn. You can't cry over broken. 
Speaking of broken, the eye doc that specializes in stroke patient's loss of vision? they bumped us up to tomorrow instead of late next month. Gosh, I hate to think someone got sick and can't make that appointment. Drat. Oh well, I will just look at it as another miracle and be thankful for it. 
Life is sweet, even when you are eating sour dill pickles. 

Just a reminder:
Note: The national stroke association has the Act FAST response to a stroke:
*F*ace: Ask the person to smile, does one side droop?
*A*rms: Ask them to raise both arms, does one side drift downward?
*S*peech: Ask them to repeat a sentence. Can they do so correctly without slurring?
*T*ime: If you suspect someone is having a stroke, get them to a hospital ASAP! You have a limited amount of time before the effects of a stroke are irreversible!
LET ME BE CLEAR: I WANT TO ADD THIS IMPORTANT SIGN, NOT MENTIONED. IF SOMEONE LOSES PARTIAL SIGHT SUDDENLY, THIS IS A COMMON SIGN OF STROKE. I wasn't thinking of this immediately, even though in my heart I knew that DH had had a stroke. It isn't a sign that you normally hear about. Be informed, be aware, trust your instincts.