The days after

The next day while in the hospital he had more tests. The best news we got in the last 24 hours was that his echo cardiogram was really great. His heart was healthy! Unfortunately the highways going to his brain from his heart are as clogged as rush hour traffic on I-5. The used to be treatment (almost automatically) was an endarterectomy, the old reaming out of the arteries, like a stiff fuzzy brush in a baby bottle.
 Now, not so much...it has its own risks, such as releasing cholesterol to other parts of the body i.e. the brain, which is probably why he had this stroke in the first place.
I think DH is feeling like a time bomb. Ticking ticking ticking.
We are thankfully released to go home, with the usual: dietary changes, a new medicine, admonishments to watch for other signs of another "incident",blah blah blah. All I want them to do is stick a straw in his neck and suck it out. Make him all better. Please please please oh God, make him better.
The next day is Easter, we had plans to have the kids/grandkids over. He wants that to happen still.
We arrive home. It is a hard night. New things to worry about. Ticking.Ticking. Ticking. I try very hard to be "normal", but when he leaves the room for whatever reason, I want to follow him, stay with him, stalk him, see that he is still here.
His snoring is the sweetest music I have ever heard.
Having the kids over the next day is one of the sweetest days ever. We had a great day, yet it was hard to explain especially to the little kids not to stand on his right side, but make sure they spoke so he knew they were there. They know something is wrong, but it was still a good day, fairly normal, except I am looking at him with more scrutiny, peering at him, asking him if he needed anything. In short, driving him nuts. I told him, this pampering will last for about a week, so enjoy it. I swear to myself I will try to be normal and not drive him nuts, but I am lying to myself. Ticking ticking ticking. How can I make this sound go away?
After the kids leave (at least the ones who have their own families...we still have three at home) I set up a notebook of All Things Medical. Every form, every note, every business card. This will become our new friend and accompany us to each and every appointment. It will sit by the door to remember to grab as we carry our brains in a white book with plastic pages that we fill up with pieces of ephemera that will now define our lives. I start a blog. I realize it is the only way I can communicate (I do a blog for another friend dealing with serious illness who got exhausted with trying to update people it has helped her keep in touch w/o calling everyone) I know that people do love us, people care, people want to help, but it is hard to make/receive phone calls/texts/emails over and over.  I love technology, I can make one update and instantly people will know what is happening. What did they do a hundred years ago? Hmmm, I think I will start telegraphing this dit dit dit dah dah dah dit dit dit  which is the internationally recognized SOS. I think I will change it: dit dit dit dah dah dit dit dit dit: SMH: Save My Husband.