Self-Medicating

What does "self-medicating" conjure up for you?  I know you may be jumping to conclusions right about now. Visions of illicit drugs spring to mind, right?
Ha. Gotcha.
There are many ways people self-medicate. Healthy/Unhealthy/Expensive
Obvious things (that may fall into all three categories:

• Drugs that may be prescribed

• Drugs that someone "loans" you 
• Alcohol

• Old medication for another injury (such as dental surgery that gave you a few Vicodins that you didn't use up, but are now using for another purpose) 

Not so obvious things:

• Shopping
• Eating, especially sweet, fats, so-called comfort foods
•  Exercise, sometimes to excess
• Meditation, introspection, deep-breathing
• Going for therapy
• A massage
• Sex
• Music
• Going on a little get-away
• Taking a long, extended leave of absence
• Hobbies/Crafts/Creative outlets

I am looking at the lists above and thinking, that most of these are not intrinsically BAD, however, they can take over your life and before you know it, your "retail therapy" or stuffing your face has become yet another problem. It is a vicious circle.
 Example:
You are overweight. You are filled with self-loathing.You eat to fill a need in your soul. It feels good. You gain weight. You are filled with self-loathing. Get where this is going?

Another example:
 You are overweight. You are filled with self-loathing. You decide to do something about it. You start going to the gym. It becomes your lifeline. You find yourself there two, three hours a day. You are losing weight. It makes you happy. Your relationships start becoming a little rocky. Your mate doesn't understand why you have no interest in going to a movie. "Because it's during my exercise class!" (one of ten you go to per week.)

Another example:
You get into a fight with your mate. You feel guilty and angry and self-righteous, because you are right. You shut him/her out. You ignore him/her and give them the silent treatment. You justify this by saying to yourself "Well, at least we are not fighting". You leave the house and go to a bar. You have a few drinks. And then a few more. You think that by removing yourself from the situation, you are being kind.

There are so many more examples I could give you, but you get the gist. Of those things I mentioned, many are therapeutic! The problem becomes when the treatment itself becomes the problem. Does that make sense? Is exercise good? Of course! Can it become a problem? Of course! As can any of those things. Who hasn't sat down to eat a rich dessert for the intense satisfaction it brings you, only to feel like a loser because you gave into your perceived lack of willpower?

Currently, DH and I are both going through some tough times medically. I get so angry! I get angry because I feel we are doing so many "right" things. I feel like the angry spouse who is trying everything to keep a marriage together and watching it crumble thinking "What more could I have done?" (PLEASE NOTE: My marriage is NOT in trouble, I am making a point.)
I try to exercise every day, not as much as I would like, but some. Then something gets injured and it makes me nuts.
We try to eat right, by that I mean we follow a clean/paleo/Mediterranean type of diet. (basic foods, as little of processed foods or added sugar/flour as possible)
And I am gaining weight. (of course, I am eating more "good" fats i.e. olive oil, nuts in moderation, avocado blah blah, but still....)
Okay, I am self-medicating with a piece of chocolate nearly everyday. Haha.
The one thing I have always relied on is talking to my buds, but then I realized that I am sounding whiny. They have their own crap. I don't want to bother them with my crap.
Outlets. I need more outlets. (No, not the huge malls you shop at with markdown items)
I still shop, but its for yummy food that I can make at home. We rarely go out, so food is fun to make and experiment with. That seems like a  good outlet, right?
Am I too obsessed with good diet? Is it doing anything, anything at all? I have no idea. When my dad had his first heart attack, he changed his life/diet with a vengeance. Eat right, exercise, go go go.
He died 2 years later.
Was it enough?
Was he too far gone?
Does it make a difference?
I have no idea. Oh my, this sounded messily depressing today. So sorry, I am venting. Rather than eating/shopping/drinking. Blog therapy. Thanks! Seems harmless enough!