Staying the Course (when it looks like you are failing)

Words can make you crazy. Messages in your head can "make" or "break" you. I didn't want to change our diet to lose weight, yet, I figured that I would naturally lose weight. We are eating so well. Yes, we are eating more healthy fats. That in itself was a huge roadblock in my brain. Prior to this, I was on the "fat is bad bandwagon". As I have said, having a weight-loss mentality in the past of "all or nothing", I have literally been giving our new food plan, "my all". What does that even mean?  

• Carefully weighing and measuring everything that goes into our mouths.
• Making sure that everything going into our mouths is the freshest and healthiest unprocessed food possible.
• Regular exercising, aerobic and weight training.
• Drinking only water, green tea, or oolong tea, none of my beloved artificially sweetened water add-ins,
• Reading every single label for carbs/fiber/protein

•  Trying to get veggies in wherever possible (Case in point, tonight had my grand kids over, and they aren't veggie fans. I made tacos with my meat mixture of ground sirloin/ground turkey breast/lean turkey sausage. This time, I added steamed broccoli that I ground up in the food processor and added to the meat mixture, also included whole grains and black beans, no one was the wiser...shh, don't tell them.)   

So, where has that gotten me? Zilch. Yes, you heard me. I have not lost anything.  Although I am not really sure why, I have to remind myself that I am not doing this to lose weight. I am doing this to be healthy. I am doing this for my husband to be healthy. So, why does it feel kind of bad that I haven't lost weight? Our lives are run by the numbers. If the number on the scale doesn't cooperate, we feel like we are indeed a failure. I have seen it time and time again. When I worked for the dietary program, a member would come in and look so crestfallen, thinking they had "failed" that week. They would weigh-in and find that they had lost even a little bit and you would see the joy in their face, a spring in their step, for they hadn't "failed". On the flip side of the coin, you would have someone come in so excited over the great week they had had, then...the weigh-in...and they found they had gained or stayed the same and the pain in their face and voice would break my heart, even as I tried to reassure them that their great week hadn't changed, they still had that great week. You knew they heard not a single word. 

I have been there. I remember a great week that I had once, but the scale showed a 5lb gain, I cried and ran out, inconsolable. I felt that I was the world's biggest failure, because I tried. I had really tried. 

After I reached my goal and went to work for the company that had helped me succeed, I realized that there are millions of people who try every single day to be a success, yet they don't reach the very thing they had hoped for. Their goals lie shattered in the dust. They give up, they quit, they go back to eating the way they always did, because they think "why bother?" 

What defines success? Staying with something because you know in your heart is the right thing to do, regardless of the tangible instant gratification like a lower number on the scale. How can I possibly measure success in this context when I haven't lost any weight? Here's something I noticed in the past few days:

My skin condition that they still don't know what it is (It is an odd discolored patchiness all over my arms, neck, and chest. The biopsy says it is an inflammation of some kind, but the docs don't think it is related to my Behcet's) is getting better. Up until about a week ago, my skin looked like that of an 80 year-old. It was crepe-like, dry and sallow. It has improved so much, I can hardly see the discoloration! It is softer and smoother. Success? See, I don't want to jinx this, but it really does look like an amazing transformation. Is it even possible? Only time will tell....