Paying it Forward: Making it Matter

This is a posting that refers to my last blog entry of "More Blessed to..."
I got a note today that made me cry (in a good way). I want to share it with you.

Dear _____________,
 Our sincere thanks for taking the time and effort to help return the _(college)__ gift card to us. I am amazed at the work you went through to find us and greatly appreciate your honesty and willingness to return the card. Our daughter who is a student at _____ gave the card to her dad for his birthday and he had just used a portion of it on Dad's Weekend. He will only use the card when he is with her so he was thrilled to get it back. Thank you again so much--we will "pay it forward".
Happy Holidays,
S R

This blew me away...I can't believe she took the time to write. I have often felt that it is important to tell people something nice..you never know what they are going through. A man in our city was a street-corner musician. He liked to do magic tricks to entertain children as well as play music for a few bucks. He was often homeless, but was such a cheerful soul. Many times he commented to his friends whether he really mattered. A few weeks ago, he committed suicide. There were editorials in the paper, there were letters from people saying how much he meant to them. Did they ever express that?
To him?
At our friend's celebration of life this past week, a long time friend of his had spent some time with him near the end of his fight with pancreatic cancer. He related that M said "I am not afraid of dying, but I'm afraid I will not be remembered." With the huge crowd that showed up and the stories they told, it was evident that he was loved by many...his adoring family and friends. I know guys have a hard time expressing feelings, but I genuinely hope his friends let him know how much he meant to them before he was gone. Obviously, he felt the love of family, I know his wife expressed it often. Have you told someone lately how much you love them? How much you appreciate the little things (and big things) they do?
A couple weeks ago, we went to a retirement-ish gathering for my DH. Many former students were there plus notes and cards from all over expressing how much he had meant to them as a professor. I know it meant it a lot to him. I also got to thinking, I am singling out friends to make sure they express appreciation, but I realized that there are many many family members that take each other for granted. A wife stops kissing her husband good bye in the morning. A husband doesn't express his thanks for a meal or clean socks in the drawer. A kid does chores without being asked and it's ignored. A comment is misunderstood and taken for criticism, hurting the one you love the most.
We also are quick to complain when something goes wrong, but forget to compliment when it goes right.

My DH was married before. Although he never really let on, I know he was very hurt by some actions in his former life. I know we all hurt each other at various times (guilty as charged!) but when something is done on purpose, such as maybe going to a party and being left there to sit alone the whole night, or belittling someone because they are not good enough or saying vile things just to cause pain, well it crosses the line. How many divorces are caused by stupid comments and miscommunication...i.e. one spouse uses the ignoring technique to shut the other out, effectively ruling out any kind of compromise, instead making it a weapon of mass destruction?

We have the most wonderful marriage. Why? Mutual love and respect. I make sure when we are in a crowd of people I praise him...in his hearing. I serve him first at a meal. I continually tell him how much I appreciate him for all he does for us. I try to let him know how utterly dear he is to me. Every single day. What do I get in return? Pure adoration and devotion. He makes me feel like a million dollars, an equal partner, he has never ever belittled me. We have never had a serious argument. He is my everything. How do I know it's so perfect? Well, I was married before too, and it was so painful to be made to feel like nothing each and every day.
He is an amazing father, grandfather, friend, and husband. I want him to know that every single day of his life.

Please please please tell the people in your life how much you love and care for them. Even the guy who packs your groceries. The gas station guy who freezes his butt off to run out and help you. The manager of the store who makes an effort to get you a special order. The medical professional who goes the extra mile to make sure you are cared for.The Starbucks barista who has your favorite drink ready when you walk through the door. The husband who works all day then helps clean the house when he gets home. The kid who puts away the dishes without being asked. The wife who goes to three stores to buy an ingredient to make that special meal. Yes, even writing the thank you card that was unexpected to tell someone how much their actions meant to them. Make someones day!



PS: I also got an email from the lady with the missing purse, thanking me for returning it. That was pretty cool too.

More blessed to give than receive...?

Two fun things happened this week. One I found a gift card with a receipt inside the folder in a parking lot. It had a substantial amount on it but with some detective work I was able to find the store that sold it and they were able to find the person that bought it. I sent it to the store with a note and I said "It makes me smile to imagine your smile at getting it back." The second thing I found this week was a purse. It was near a garbage can, with a torn strap and contained no wallet or cash or credit cards, so in my mind i thought someone had torn it from someone's arm and stole the valuables. There was business cards inside and I was able to locate the owner. It was rather mundane..she was in the process of switching purses as she had torn the strap and accidentally left it there with important things still inside. When I spoke to her, I told her I would drop it by the next day. And just for fun, I repaired the strap and left her a note inside that said "pay it forward". You know what? That made my day.This has been a bit of a sucky week. Broken washer. Wrong thing delivered. More lesions in my mouth all over my tongue. A funeral tomorrow for a dear friend. Rain rain and more rain causing leaks. My body is so sore I can hardly walk. My hands hurt so badly I feel like crying...yet...yet...yet...life is good and sweet and pure and holy.And some people who thought they lost something got it back.I am talking about me. JOY.

What a Wonderful World

 In spite of everything that goes wrong, we need to remember the truly marvelous things in life. I love hearing this song sung. I saw it with a beautiful video with flags waving, children running, flowers growing, sun a'shining. It bears repeating.

 What a Wonderful World written by Bob Thiele (as "George Douglas") and George David Weiss.
I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And i think to myself what a wonderful world

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do
They're really saying I love you

I hear babies cry, I watch then grow
They'll learn much more than I'll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world
Oh, yes! 
(Famous versions sung by Louis Armstrong/Ray Charles)

I had a visit with the doctor the other day and we are "staying the course" with my medicine. She is very pleased with my progress. Now if only my body would cooperate just a little more so I could get back to my old self. Oh wait. I AM my old self. Cross that one off. I want to be back to my YOUNG self. Remember the good old days? My mom mentioned that someone was talking about getting old and I quote:

 "Isn't getting old a bitch?"  (Her answer) Well, let's see now, when I was young I had cramps once a month, chronic migraines, strep-throat often (and finally a tonsillectomy) gall stones (and a gall bladder surgery)...No, I believe being young was the "bitch" as far as my health was concerned.  Other than heartburn (which I have had most of my life) and a slightly elevated blood pressure, I am in pretty good shape.  

Well, I guess that is true. And funny. It is all relative, isn't it? I was also watching a movie and a cancer victim was speaking and he said:

"You know, every breath you take is precious. Don't waste it." 

So I choose to breathe life in and do what I can to make someone else's life more lovely.
There are so many who have blessed me and made me what I am today. Even the cranky people! Even people who were out and out crappy to me. I have been beat up, literally and figuratively many times in my life. I should be bitter, I should be using that for an excuse, like the guy who is a serial killer and says "I got spanked as a child".
But guess what? There are so many who are so much worse off than me and I just don't want to be that bitter person whose sores just fester and become like a cancer. I remember years ago when I worked in a lab and I had to see this elderly woman daily to draw her blood. She was horrible! Nasty! Cranky! She said foul things to me and called me names, I would leave her room in the hospital and say to myself "Oh I don't want to get like that when I am old!" 
But guess what? I realized she was probably a horrible,nasty, cranky YOUNG person at one time haha! You don't just get nasty just coz you get old. (Unless of course a disease such as Alzheimer's fries your brain)
So here goes, I choose for this day to be the BEST one ever. What can I do brighten up a life of someone who is having a miserable time?
After a terrible ordeal (flood/hurricane/earthquake) it can bring out the worst in people, but it also can bring out the best in people. I believe there are so many lovely and generous people in this world. You know how nice people seem at the holidays? I know it is early, but there is this scene in Christmas Vacation where Chevy Chase gets locked in the attic and he is freezing, dresses up in hats and scarves, then starts playing old movies and this awesome Ray Charles song plays: The Spirit of Christmas, dang, it makes a lump in my throat every time. I wanna feel that lump every single blessed day. 
Find someone you love and give them a hug and make their lives beautiful today.
Disease sucks, but you don't have to give into it and let it rob you of your JOY.  
Blessings to you...find something beautiful. 
Hey it's not too early to get into the holiday spirit...even if you're Jewish!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhxdQBFmDZ0 

Doc Doc, who's there?

Tomorrow I have my one month visit with the nice Rheumatologist. It has been a crazy few weeks from tentative diagnosis to probable diagnosis to a treatment plan.
I think my Behcet's is under control, to the extent of fewer lesions, smaller lesions, faster healing lesions. Now that is great news! However, I am concerned that my arthritis (which is probably related to the Behcet's) is getting worse. I am having a hard time typing and an easier time of whining. My left hand hurts so badly! It reminds me of the early days before I had the arthritis diagnosis, 9 1/2 years ago. Now of course, I know that it is probably part of the Behcet's not a separate type of rheumatoid arthritis. I cannot make a fist nor pick up small objects with my left hand. As I said in a previous post, I am grateful it is not my right hand, so I can keep knitting. I actually took up knitting to keep my hands working. One doctor likened arthritis to a rusty door in the rain: If you don't keep using it, it will rust shut, and it is almost impossible to get it working again.
   Alrighty then...I will keep trying to use it and keep on knitting. I have too many things I want to make for gifts. Ha. Last year, a lot of people got hats and scarves. I still grin when I see a homeless person wearing a homemade hat or scarf. That might be one someone made just for them. (Since my family might be a little sick of another hat or scarf, I like to make them for people who may be exposed to cold weather. I cringe to see a person freezing in the rain and cold with no coat or other winter gear.) One year, my knitting friends made over 300 pieces of winter gear to donate. Last year a bunch went to a poor village in Honduras. It's pretty cool to see pictures of children or adults wearing something you or someone made by hand. It lifts your spirits and gives you a reason to keep on knitting/crocheting. It takes you outside of your little "poor me" box and makes you realize you can be something to someone who has so little. I think we take for granted all that we have at our disposal.
   Ask yourself: What one thing could I do to make someone else's life brighter?
A food donation? A trip to the dollar store for hats/scarves to donate? A kind word? A smile?
Do one thing this week to make a difference.
    On this blog it tells me different stats. How many hits I have had, what places they are from. I was stunned to see that I have had hits from all over the world! Singapore, Germany, Australia, Hungary, Canada, eastern Europe and other regions nearby. Go world!
I love the internet...it makes a very big world into a very small one. Greetings from the United States and welcome to my blog! I have added a language translator just in case you need it. This is not a political blog. This is just my own take on illness and disease and the medical profession that (sometimes) falls flat on its face. All the comments are my personal take on those things. If you or someone you know has been touched by illness, you know how hard it can be to communicate that to people without sounding like a total and complete whiner. I try to find the good even in the bad days. I like to laugh because frankly, if I didn't laugh, I would be crying my eyes out most of the time.
So give yourself a big hug, try and find the joy, and just keep going, one foot in front of the other.*
*This is a favorite quote from my friend to his beloved wife before he passed away last week due to pancreatic cancer, when she felt like she couldn't go on anymore.

Beautiful Day

What a difference a week makes:
 Things to be grateful for:
1) Not living on the East Coast right now. I used to live on Long Island and I saw pictures from 3 of the towns I have lived/worked in. They were decimated. I feel badly for the friends left behind to cope with the mess. http://www.redcross.org/hurricane-sandy


 

2) One of my dear friends lost her husband this week to pancreatic cancer. (No this isn't the grateful part) The grateful part is this: In his battle the last 10 plus months from diagnosis, he was not in pain, and at the end, she was with him to hold his hand and kiss him goodbye. That is a gift and a final act of love.
3) Simple pleasures: It didn't rain on the last day of the soccer season today.
4) Friends and Family: In spite of the pain and agony of the past few months/weeks/and yes, years, the bright spot was always you.
5) Doctors who listen; 'nuf said.
6) Medicines that work: ditto.
7) For Carole C, the nurse practitioner who had a "gut feeling" and diagnosed me correctly with Behcet's, putting me on a road to getting help.
8) My husband's amazing healing from his stroke. It is so good to have him feel "normal" even though there is the new "normal" .
9) That no matter what, we can pick up the pieces and move on.
10) That the election will be over soon and we can have one day off before the 2016 election cycle starts.
Oops, one more: I am so happy that the arthritis affects my left hand the worst so I can keep knitting with my right.