Conventional Wisdom

    Haha, you thought I was going to talk about the GOP convention, didn't you? Or rather the shelved convention, as they await Hurricane Isaac. But no! I decided long ago that talking in a public venue about politics/child rearing/marriage tips/gun control/meat eating is a BAD idea. Why? Because the people that agree with you know where you stand and the people that disagree with you will just try to change your mind/call you an idiot/tell you that you are wrong/shoot you/roll their eyes/or generally make your life miserable. So I am sticking to subjects we can all agree on:
   Dessert for breakfast. My son and his girlfriend made the MOST amazing pancakes I have ever tasted. Here is the recipe. Oh my goodness, I think these are truly the best pancakes I ever ate. Now if you are dairy intolerant, you might have to change them a bit, but for those of you who can throw caution to the wind and calories to the thighs, this is the TICKET! (If I was in charge of a political campaign, I would so make these my main platform)
http://www.recipegirl.com/2011/03/01/cinnamon-roll-pancakes/

     Must eat pancakes. Now.

   One of the things we have enjoyed the last few days of summer is doing absolutely nothing. DH and I are go-getters. We almost always have a project or two or ten that we are doing, but no, we have determined that what we needed this summer for healing of the mind/body/soul was to just be together. And do no major projects. Just take it easy and take some trips. One trip that we took this week wasn't very far, but it was so enjoyable. We drove through our beautiful state about a hundred miles away to a lovely museum and some of the most breathtaking scenery ever. There is something so lovely about rediscovering things we might have started taking for granted.
   Things like the gentle summer breezes. The touch of a hand when you are feeling out of sorts. The note from a friend saying they are thinking of you. The trees. Oh how I love trees.
   When I was in third grade, it was discovered I could not see a blasted thing past my hand in front of my face. Funny thing about unseeing children, they must think everyone sees this way. I know I didn't question it, all I know is I never was able to pass the spelling tests: The teacher wrote the week's words on the board and I couldn't see it!
   Anyway, I do remember getting glasses. OK, they were the funky, cat-eye weirdo looking ones but I remember putting them on and saying "Oh! The trees have LEAVES! I can see the LEAVES! I can see the birds! I can see the butterflies on the leaves! Oh Oh Oh!"
   It was the single most amazing thing EVER in my world. Keep in mind this was 49 years ago, and I will never forget that moment.
   Except...I took those beautiful trees for granted after awhile. Oh, I noticed them and all...especially during the breathtaking autumn (hands down my favorite time of the year) but I forgot that amazing feeling of being able to see those leaves delineated each one more beautiful than the last. The outline, the perfection, the color. Well, on this trip, I remembered that feeling as I plopped down on the grass on the grounds of the museum and looked up at the trees. I drank in the sights of their majestic beauty.
   I thought of how we are all so different like branches and leaves. How some of us are straight and tall, others are gnarly, some short and stubbly, others singular and solo. The colors are different, some of us sway this way, others that way...but WE ARE ALL FROM THE SAME GROUND. We grow differently, we think differently, but we are all in this together. We should be seeking common ground, not things that threaten to divide us. We should help each other when a storm threatens to topple us, we should lift the other up when the winds grow strong, we should support the branches when one seems weaker. We should stop taking each other for granted. We should love one another in spite of our differences and forgive when we are hurt.

Can you believe that BLUE?

   This has been a tremendous time for us after DH's stroke: We are reminded that there is nothing more important than the love we share on a daily basis. The small things have suddenly taken front and center stage as we create our new normal.  Our family and friends bring such joy into our lives. Thank you for this.

    And now for something completely different!!!! DH and I saw this thing traveling down the highway, the phone camera cannot possibly capture the HUGENESS of this thing, but look how long the truck is transporting it, now see how far it extends past the end of the truck. WHAT IS IT???? I thought it looked aeronautical like a wing from a plane, DH swears it is part of a wind turbine, but the turbines we saw were more slender, less cylindrical. So help us out! What is it? Help us name that thing!

   And I will leave you (no pun intended) with a couple of photos from the sculpture garden that just made me happy. No huge deep meaning, just cool things to look at. Have a great last week of summer, enjoy the breezes...

(Inspired by an Origami lily)

   

  

A Terrible Beauty

   We took a little road trip last week to visit family. We have this uncanny knack of going to a city at
the wrong time when they inevitably have a huge EVENT of some kind that effectively wipes out all
motel/hotel rooms.

   The long and short of it was we ended up staying in a minus three star motel. (Yes, I wrote that
correctly -3*) I won't mention the city, I won't even mention the hotel by name, but it was clear
it was on life support. Thankfully, I brought a jar of cleaning wipes and tidied up the toilet and sink.
I will also state that it would have been given -4* but the people were so nice and earnest, a family
run business, and they were trying hard. And surprisingly, they had thick, beautiful bath towels.
  
See? I am trying to find something nice to say.
  
  While on the way to the city, we passed through a small town that was in some sort of valley limbo.
The skies were filled with horrid acrid smoke that burned our eyes. Even though the forest fires were
not particularly close, the winds had carried the stench to this town, permeating everything. I could
hardly breathe. We pulled into a gas station and I spotted the Oscar Mayer Weinermobile! It looked

to be in showroom condition, it was awesome! As a vegetarian, I was incensed! Haha! Not really! It made me smile. I remember how my kids loved seeing it when they were little. I snapped some pics of that and also snapped a picture of the sun, trying valiantly to shine in spite of the smoke.

    As we continued on our journey, we noticed the beautiful sunsets, due to the wretched forest/brush fires. I described it to someone as a terrible beauty. What I meant was the circumstances were horrible, but the results were incredible. The colors, the purples/oranges/reds looked like they were applied by an artist, but oh, at such a frightening cost. People lost their homes, some lost their lives. The fire costs of damage and personnel were catastrophic. We were on one highway where there was a convoy of fire vehicles, each marked with a different small town's name, headed into the fray.
  
I think of those circumstances in our lives where we also encounter a Terrible Beauty. Those dichotomies that are the polar opposite of each other. The situations that threaten to knock us down and at the same time build us up. The health scare that causes us to treasure life and each other more.
  
   The close call that completely blindsides us but causes us to gather strength we never knew we had.
The joy we find in the smallest of improvements when the unthinkable has occurred.

   Today I ran into an acquaintance that had the Unthinkable happen. We were on the road when we found out about what had happened to this family and I just didn't know what to say. So I just threw my arms around her and said, "How are you doing? How you must be hurting!" She fell into my arms and sobbed. She said "No one asks me that, they turn and look away. I know they think I am a horrible mom and forget I am hurting too." Wow. That took my breath away. Here I was thinking what could I possibly say? And I just wanted to pretend I didn't see her out of embarrassment. I am so glad I didn't! We spoke for 45 minutes and I told her to hold her head up high. No matter what you do, people will talk and spread rumors, but fortunately, they forget quickly. This became another moment of Terrible Beauty. Though we are not particularly close, I think she held her head a little higher when we parted. I hope I was able to impart some hope into her life. She made me realize we need to do the uncomfortable thing sometimes, it's not always about "us".

   And now for some humor injected into this deep meaning blog. We were waiting to meet up with my brother and so we went off to find some food one day on the trip. We found a mall nearby to where we were meeting him and there were several choices.
    A Waffle Restaurant that served lunch. A Panda Express and a NY style deli. We figured the waffles were not ideal and Panda was not the best choice for DH and probably no choice for me, so we looked at the deli menu on the window and were excited to see some yummy choices that also included old favs (knishes) and some veggie options too. We went inside and it reminded me of NYC and the hustle and bustle. There were so many yummies listed that my mouth just watered.

   As we tried in vain to figure out a choice (one sandwich? two? soup? salad?) the gentleman next to us got his order. I almost fell off my chair. It was so ginormous, that it could have fed an entire family. Fortunately, it helped us make a decision. (One veggie sandwich, split. One Knish order, split instead of a large sandwich each.) Here is the picture of the before and after. The gentleman kindly posed for me. He Ate The Whole Thing. I saw it with my own eyes!   

  
  

    He said I should have taken a picture of his belly Before and After. I was laughing so hard! How could anyone eat that entire thing???? That grimace!  "Did I really just eat that entire thing?"

   Saw this on a train side car. I like to call this one INYO FACE. I named it after that sandwich!

   Go find some beauty in the awful-est of circumstances. Also look for the humor. It can keep you sane!

Eye Yi-Yi-Yi

Things are LOOKING good!

    Yeah, it was an intended pun...Anyway DH's eyes are LOOKING good. The exam results
were SPECtacular! Okay, enough of the eye puns.
   We were surprised to discover that there has been even more improvement in his vision. The appointments for eye rehab will be only once a month now as we hopefully continue to SEE progress. (I guess the puns keep rolling, as do your eyeballs as you read these puns).
   The biggest drawback is he needs a new prescription for glasses. We got an estimate for the cost and it took our breath away by how much they would cost as they are special digitized lenses. Not having eye insurance has been sobering.
   However, when we were discussing the pros and cons of the (very expensive) top-of-the-line fou-fou-it's-making-someone-some-serious-bucks-lenses, DH pointed out that he is still here and that the stroke could have robbed him of so much more than his vision. A friend told me about a family she knows where the husband, in his 40's, father of a mostly young family, was on spring vacation with his family about a week before DH's stroke. The family was staying in a hotel in a neighboring state. His wife found him on the floor unconscious, a victim of a massive stroke. It has changed their lives forever. Everything was affected. Motor skills/speech etc. So, why him? Why was DH so "lucky" to "only" have his vision affected?
    I do not have any answers to these existential questions. I don't believe in karma, but I don't believe in coincidences either.  Luck of  the draw? Happenstance? It boggles the mind. All I know is that we have been blessed. In this country we are blessed with medical knowledge and facilities that can diagnose and heal disease that formerly would have killed you instantly. But it is still a crap shoot. Why does a lightning bolt hit that one guy standing in a group of people who are left untouched? They talk about survivor's guilt when some survive and others die in the same situation. Books and movies have addressed this phenomenon and haven't come up with a good answer, so I can't possibly figure it out and come up any answers in this short blog. Sooooo what I will say is we are grateful for what we have and what we have been given...another chance at a wonderful life.
    Friends, family, loved ones (and you are ALL loved ones): We don't know why we were blessed, but we don't take that for granted and we don't take YOU for granted. Thank you for being in our lives.      

Eye See You

The next test of just how well the eye rehab is going will be tomorrow, 8-9 when DH gets the intensive testing done. That is also the day that we will probably need to figure out if DH continues his therapy in the same mode (2x a month plus home work) or perhaps lessen the appointments and see how it goes. Yesterday marked 4 months (!) since he had the stroke. I decided to go back and read nearly my entire blog, because not only is it to inform people what is going on, it is a journal of sorts for me. I cannot believe how much I have forgotten! I cannot believe how far he has come! It is with overwhelming gratefulness that I felt as I read all that has occurred. Not only how painful those first few days/weeks were, but how instrumental that so many of our loved ones were in helping DH (and me!) heal: not only physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. You just don't realize how much pain you are in until the wound is dressed/stitched/bandaged. The notes, the food provided, the chores done, the trips to see us, the helping hand you gave extended in love. I will never be able to thank you, but someday, we hope to repay you in kind. Thank you so much!
As we have been watching the Olympics, we are reminded that the human body is amazing. The ability to run faster/jump higher/row quicker is astounding.  We LOVE the instant gratification of the medal awards. We like seeing someone racing on artificial legs, we love hearing the stories behind the athlete: It humanizes them, it makes us cheer for the underdog. JG and I were discussing how the human interest stories make you feel so good, and you are so disappointed when they don't win: That mom who trains for hours to run a race while raising her children (some adopted!) and cattle and chickens in a village in Kenya...you know this medal would mean so much to her...then she comes in fourth. You feel deflated, let down, sad. But as JG pointed out "Everyone has a story..." Isn't that the truth? We forget sometimes when we are the butt of someone's anger that perhaps they just found out a loved one has died. We forget when we are stopped in traffic, that the person crossing in that crosswalk slowly may have just been diagnosed with an illness and they can hardly wrap their brain around it.As we travel the path of life, we need to be reminded constantly that everyone does have a story, it may not always be obvious though.
I do love the performances but I have been more impressed by the fragile-ness and healing of the body. The ability to "bounce back" after an injury, the healing of a broken part may be so subtle!You can't "see" it like watching a performance or "measure" it like seeing someone cross the finish line first, and sometimes you don't think it is happening. But as I look back at how far DH has come, I am reminded that the healing is occurring, one just has to be remember that life is often the marathon, and not just a short sprint. One of the things that is so intriguing in the Olympic races is that Marathoners rarely win in short races. They are built for the long haul, slow and steady wins the race and all that. The Sprinters are highly unlikely to win a long-distance race. Everyone has their talents, each one trains differently, yet, the excitement is there for each race. I realize that this stroke thing is putting us to the test in the long haul, it's not like the cut you get, stitch and forget. This has changed our lives in so many ways, but it has also strengthened us in many ways we never thought possible. Here's to the Marathon, one step at a time.

Now you see it, now you don't

What you are seeing is an actual eye exercise. I hold a straw. DH has to look at the middle part of the straw and place the wooden skewers at the same time into the ends of the straw. He has three straws of varying sizes. This is the largest. He cannot do it. Neither can I. It is far far harder than it looks. Try it! You will be amazed at your ineptitude. I was amazed at my attitude when I couldn't do it. It is diabolical and frustrating. Like DH thinks about me sometimes.
Maybe the point is to try it but not actually do it. Maybe it's just to make you crazy. Well, then it worked!
We have been watching the Olympics and I think of how many many hours/days/weeks/months/years the athletes have trained and then something goes terribly wrong in the pool/on the bars/on the horse/on the gym floor/the court/the arena/the track and you just crumble and break down and cry OR you hold your head high, exhibit sportsmanship, smile, wave and perhaps try again next time. Every one of us has disappointments in our lives. Every one of us has had that "moment" when you can choose to keep going or fall apart. I have fallen apart, only to discover that something better was right around the corner. I admire DH for his ability to keep trying to do these eye training things (and there are lots more fun things to torture his brain and eyes with!) even if  a) it doesn't work the first or second or twentieth time  b) you think its doing nothing at all.

The Eyes Have It

DH had an eye therapy appointment today and there is still a little voice in the back of his head (this time it is not me) that says "Is there any improvement? Can it get better or is the best it'll ever get?" He is also wary of taking another major eye test (the long and involved excrutiating test) because he is afraid it will show it has worsened or have his driving privileges taken away. Now he isn't suffering any new symptoms, he doesn't feel that it has gotten worse, but you know it's like those dreams you have about having a test that you haven't studied for...no matter how crazy the dream might be, it usually reveals insecurities about other things. No one likes to "fail", yet we all worry endlessly about how we appear to others. You can be at the top of your game...then one misstep...and you feel as if you have let down your whole team. As we watch the Olympics, we are reminded that you can do a gymnastic routine (or swimming relay or volleyball game) 3,000 times perfectly, then BOOM. Game over. You are done with competing and you feel as if your whole world has been shattered. You have worked and slaved over your sport. You have practiced and given up many other things: family life, rest time, vacations, dating, sleeping for your sport. Of course everyone wants to go to the Olympics!

Of course they all want to medal!
 If I had a buck for every time I failed...as the saying goes, I would be a millionaire. (On the flip side, if I had a million dollars for every time I did something great, I would also be a millionaire, at least for those few moments until I screwed up again). The truth be told that those athletes in their failures, are so much better than the 99% of the rest of humanity's BEST efforts. We applaud each and every one of you, yes, even the "fails".
So GO(LD) USA!
I think DH is needlessly worrying, he is constantly checking his vision, squinting back and forth. Of course when I see him doing it, I immediately flip into Nag Patrol. "What's wrong? Is something different?" Reminding myself that it was that odd look he had as he was having his stroke that made me know right away something was wrong, makes ME over think, makes ME look for something different, something wrong. See? I am just as bad. Ah, will we ever relax? Will we always be on guard? Argh!

Something completely different: We have now invented a new scoring system for the games: The Hug-O-Meter. You see, when the volley ball players score a point (or lose a point to the opposing team)there is the group HUG. They pat fannies, they high five, they slap their backs, but mostly they hug. So if they lose that set, do they start questioning their huggability factor? " Oh Gosh! did I not hug enough? Was there quantity but no quality?  Did we lose that because the other team gave longer hugs? " Well, you can see the problem. So get out there and hug someone...you may score a point or two. (Or get slapped by that perfect stranger you saw at Safeway and tried to hug...)

Lastly, thank you for reading this blog. Maybe you don't even know us but stumbled on it by accident. Maybe you're a loved one who just wants to stay in touch. It has been cathartic to write this, but also in writing this, it frees me up from making multiple phone calls and repeating the story over and over. As I write this, we are a few views away from 2000. Nearly 2000 times people have read this blog since April! I am stunned. Honestly I feel like awarding a gift or something to the 2000th reader. Maybe I will bake a cake.

Then eat it. ALL. Then get sick and gain like 20 pounds. Then I can write another blog about how blogging makes you gain weight. Oh here's a hug to all!

Vacancy Vacationcy

DH and I just returned from a mini-vacation taking the coast from almost the very north, to the south of our beautiful state. In fact, we were able to creep into the northern part of our neighbors to the south. Now if you can decipher that sentence, I am impressed. We had decided to just "drive", no firm plans, no reservations made. We were fortunate in that nearly everywhere we wanted to stay, we found a room. This was a good time to just get the R and R we were craving. So much has happened in the last few months that we were physically and mentally exhausted. Just being able to drive was HUGE. I am reminded that it was only 4 months ago that DH had a stroke, lost his vision, and was unable to drive for 8 weeks after. We thought he had forever lost that ability, so it was doubly sweet. We explored state parks, waysides, viewpoints, cheesy tourist stores, restaurants, luxury suites and rustic cabins. There were 3 places along the way that we had always wanted to stay in, and as luck (and cancellations from others) would have it, we were able to stay there. Two of those were more rustic than rustic: One a very old motel on the coast that had log cabins and the other in a National Monument with a CCC built hotel. We were lucky it had its own bathroom :-)
This national Monument has a cave that we have gone to many times, but we decided to go again.
Pre-stroke it is dicey. Post-stroke with vision loss and depth perception trauma was REALLY exciting. Here is the dilemma I face as a concerned (i.e. nagging) wife. How much help do I offer? Where is the line drawn that is smothering vs helpful? I realized very early on in the cave tour it was going to be an issue. Tight spots, stairs, faint light add up to a careful trek on DH's part and much concern on my part. I thought that if I went first I could warn him of the overhanging spots and the uneven steps. Next, I held out my hand on the uneven pathway parts should he feel the need for a little extra guidance. It worked out okay, but I was worried that I was "smothering". We talked about it later and he said it was okay and that he really depended on me to help when needed. As I said, it is a fine line and I am learning as I go along where that line should be firmly demarcated and where it is fuzzier.
Having been on the road, we didn't hear news of the tragedy in Colorado until much later in the day. I was so stunned. I think when you start hearing stories of survivors and stories of people giving their own lives to protect others, you are filled with awe. I have no doubt that I would die to protect someone I love. This is a given. If someone were to attempt to harm my loved ones, I would fight to the death to protect them. Of this I am certain. There have been many times in my life that doing the right thing have come up. Some of those occasions have been with perfect strangers. Once I was driving past a house where a pickup truck with metal cans in the back (and an out of state license plate) was parked and a man was stooped down on a driveway with an elderly woman. He was pointing out cracks in her driveway. I played a hunch (snoop that I am) and stopped and said to the woman : "Do you know this man? Is he trying to get you to repair your driveway?" He immediately got up, all 300 pounds of beef slab and told me to mind my own business. I told him it was my business if he was trying to bilk an old lady. I told her he was trying to rip her off and suggested she go in to call the police. Then I called the police. Apparently this "gentleman" was one of many with tarry paint cans that went around conning the elderly and "repairing" cracks. Ok, so maybe I should have just called the police and not confronted the jerk. However, this was minor compared to the ultimate in stupidity that I did one time. I was walking downtown and there was some sort of group watching a huge man beating on a woman much smaller than he. I was struck by the bystanders, mostly well-dressed MEN no doubt on their lunch hours. I said to no one in particular: "What the heck is going on?" UNBELIEVEABLY, one replied "Oh it's just two drunken Indians having a spat." Are you kidding me?? This was happening in broad daylight? Not to mention the overt racism. Had it been a minority beating on a white woman, would that have made a difference? Not one was doing anything to help nor even calling the police! (pre-cell phone days) I ran into the nearest store and told them to call the police, then I did a crazy thing without thinking: I jumped on this man's back and started hitting him and telling him to stop beating this woman. Did I stop and think he might be armed? Or that he might hurt me? No. All I could see was someone beating someone into a pulp.  Stupid stupid stupid. However, my stupid actions caused other men in the crowd to finally act, to subdue this man and hold him until police arrived. Would I do this today? Hopefully, I would be slightly more clear-headed and call the police w/o jumping into the fray and possibly getting hurt or killed.
I will close with one more story. I was pregnant with my second child. Very pregnant. I happened to go to a mini-mart to pick something up when I was accosted by a man whom I did not know. He started screaming at me, calling me names and menacing me by blocking my passage outside the store. I was terrified. Thinking he might have a weapon , but trying to protect my child, I decided to make a run for it...if I could only get into the store I would be safe. He grabbed me and started to drag me towards his car. I fought and fought and got out of his grasp and shoved past him. I ran into the store and said "Please call the police! This man is attacking me!" The clerk looked at me and said these horrifying words I will never forget: "Hey lady, I don't want to get involved in your domestic dispute." I screamed at him "I have never seen this man before! Please help me!" He did...NOTHING. I was so shaken I could barely speak. He wouldn't let me use the phone. He wouldn't call the cops. Nothing. If I could go back in time, I would spit in his face. Not just the bad guy, but the guy who didn't want to get involved, who in my mind was worse. the bad guy? Probably mentally unstable. The "good" guy in the store: He didn't want to get involved. How dare he?
Maybe you can't save the world, but you can report something that doesn't feel right. You can stop laughing at racist jokes and tell someone that is wrong. If someone is bullying another, make a stand. If you see harm being done, do something. If you don't want to physically become involved that is understandable, but for God's sake, TELL someone in authority. Penn State learned this the hard way. Looking the other way and burying their collective heads in the sand has cost them far more than just money. It has turned their championship program into a graveyard. I have no pity whatsover for those weak and puny "leaders" that I think of as scum. Do The Right Thing, for those who cannot do for themselves. And keep doing it until someone listens.