Scout's honor

 Today was the first of two days spent working on our son's Eagle project. At just 16, he is mature beyond his years in many ways (although just a goofy normal kid in other ways, thank goodness!) His project is to clean a cemetery of ivy that had grown willy-nilly and to clean headstones, long neglected, some from the mid 1800's. Of course not all the stones have been abandoned, some are far newer and obviously very loved and kept up by family as evidenced by flowers, both planted and cut, Christmas wreaths long past their prime and stones on Jewish graves placed in remembrance. some into the hundreds(!). So for those who don't know much about Eagle projects, normally about the age of 17 +, a Scout, having earned all their Eagle requirements (I think earning a minimum of 21 patches including specific Eagle track patches...and let me tell you, these are not given lightly. They work very very hard for those patches, some involving literally hours spent on studying, essays or record keeping and yes the fun stuff: swimming, archery, and the like) but as I said, after earning these and other involvements, leadership, volunteer, etc, they then plan and execute a project that takes many hours of planning, getting approval before a board, etc, THEN actually doing the project. The project they choose may not necessarily have them doing the actual work themselves, but the planning, assigning of tasks, and being in a supervisory position is a major part of the project.So his choice was cleaning this beautiful pioneer cemetery, where his uncle is buried. It is near a very busy freeway and also near its larger cousins: a gi-normous confluence of much larger and grander cemeteries that overshadow this one in the breadth and scope of their large-ness. Yet, this beautiful, simple cemetery sits amongst trees and is surrounded by houses on three sides. it is hidden away in a little pocket of what used to be country, I'm sure. We weren't sure how many would show up today, but let me tell you, I was astounded at how many did! Not only fellow Scouts (one former Scout came that was there because our son had worked on his own project) but friends and family. My brother and sister-in-law and my nephew came..a labor of love, she is dealing with cancer and honestly, I didn't expect her to work, but there she was, trimming ivy. My DH's eldest son (coincidentally himself an Eagle at age 16, now in his 30's) came, the Scout master and many other adult workers, a close family friend and her girls came, well I could go on and on.All told, today we put in over 85 people hours! Unbelievable! I am humbled once again. I don't think I can find the words to say thank you enough to those who took time out from their own busy schedule to help. Even my son's girlfriend came, this after making sandwiches to feed the crew. We were hoping to do this in a weekend, and it looks as if that will happen. thank you thank you thank you.

The following words ring true, for this was a labor of love on everyone's part...

 Scout Oath

On my honor I will do my best
To do my duty to God and my country
and to obey the Scout Law;
To help other people at all times;
To keep myself physically strong,
mentally awake, and morally straight.

This is a headstone that was so buried under moss and mud it wasn't identifiable. After cleaning it, it made me cry. A baby girl, not even a year old, no doubt loved and cherished with the words written on it:
Thou art gone
Little sweet child of our love
From earth's fairy strand
to bright mansions above

I am happy that she will be remembered by people walking the path near her stone and know that she was someone's very loved child. Tomorrow, I will try and post some before and after pictures so you can share in this labor of love too.

 

Looking for Mr. Good (eyesight) Bar

Today was the day we were going to sleep in. Finally. No appointments in the wee hours, just hang out and relax. Phone rings. Of course. Isn't it always the WAY? On the other end of the phone was the Clinic for Eye-Training. "Can you be here in half an hour, we had a cancellation." Uh sure! It's only 11.72 inner-city miles one way, or 20- ish freeway miles another. Heck yeah we can do this! Jump in the shower! Jump into clothes! Grab some instant oatmeal (may I just say this, the new Quaker Oats in a container are rocking good, a little high in calories but super high in fiber, yum) Jump into the car! We were only about 15 minutes late and then...went to reach for my purse. It isn't there. I have just driven across town with no license. DH nearly has a little panic attack and thinks we should have a kid drive it to me. My brain is working overtime. I think "Ah c'mon, if I get pulled over, I can so talk my way outta this! I'll play the stroke card!" (This is our new joke...'playing the stroke card' to get out of something i.e. "No sorry PTA, I cannot bake 100 muffins for the teacher's thank you breakfast, my husband has had a stroke." SHAMELESS!) Now this is where I digress. Do you know people who long for the "good old days"? You know, the selective memories that people conjure up how awesome it was in years gone by? (obviously forgetting that there was War, Polio,Smallpox, etc) How they miss this or that? (okay, I do miss the 5 cent candy bars, I will grant you that) Well, I just want to go on record that I have a shameless love of TECHNOLOGY. I simply made a phone call to my daughter and she FAXED a copy of said driver's license to the Doctor's office. Love it love it love it.
Now back to the testing. DH spent about 90 minutes being tested and getting eye exercises, At the end, she called me back to learn how to help him in one exercise in particular, then told me to kind of watch it so he doesn't overdo. She said she sensed "He might be the type to go overboard." hahaha, she can read him like a book. DH is never happy to just "do" as that word is not actually in his vocabulary. It is always in the O section as in Over-do. So, add to this to my duties: Policewoman. I am learning new jobs every day.

"assiduus usus uni rei deditus et ingenium et artem saepe vincit" 
(M.Tullius Cicero).

(Constant practice devoted to one subject often outdoes both intelligence and skill)

Past few days

Having fully intended to spend our anniversary on Monday doing "stuff", we were waylaid by the fact that EVERY SINGLE MUSEUM IN THIS CITY IS CLOSED ON MONDAYS. But it was a gorgeous day and it called for a walk. We went to the Arboretum (which is NOT closed on Mondays, nor any other day: you go,  Mama Nature!) and walked and talked and just enjoyed being together, After that a lunch out and errands to run. Funny how life does not stop around us even as we feel like time has stopped. On Tuesday we went to see the dietician to see what can we be doing differently to not just prevent further damage, but improve the occluded arteries. We had watched a movie "Forks Over Knives" on the recommendation of several friends that touts a complete vegan lifestyle. (including no processed oils etc) While the documentary seemed extreme in some ways, it had a lot of good points to make, but looking for a balance is more in line with our beliefs. I am a vegetarian, but leaning heavily towards "veganist" since I cannot eat cow dairy, but I do eat eggs in moderation. The dietician was super nice, didn't really give us a whole lot of new info, but clarified things that we were questioning. Things like "Does DH have to give up his 3 cow a day habit?" Kidding on that one, but DH has been known to be an all or nothing kind of guy. He was thinking zero meat from now on (my ideal) vs some. We will settle for the "some", but the limit is this: No more than 3 oz of lean red meat/chicken breast/low-fat cheese a day. And that is total, as in cheese sandwich for lunch that =1 oz, then only 2 oz of meat that evening. I have been pushing him to do more and more veggies, their recommendation 4-5 cups a day, plus 4-5 servings of fruit i.e. small apple would be a serving etc.They also said zero egg yolks, but if we had to have them, no more than 3 a week.  All these are common sense of course, but my idea of good nutrition may be different. In any case, we will strive for a good balance. Meanwhile, I will stick with my "veganist" lifestyle, as I had amazing results with my cholesterol levels after no meat for the past few months. For instance, my cholesterol, which had been steadily climbing these past few years dropped from 185 (even that was from a high last year of over 200) to 145. LDL went from 113 to 71 and non-hdl went from 123 to 84. Ok, there might just be something to the whole "no-meat" thing. However, DH is not ready for that drastic of a change, though I think he is willing to give it his best shot, as we really want to aim for reversal, a healing, not a band-aid approach to just stop the bleeding, so to speak. We were encouraged that we were on the right track. However, this is the bone I want to pick. Seeing a dietician is NOT covered by insurance unless you are diabetic Now if you were an insurance company and you had people prone to stroke/heart attack/obesity, wouldn't you want to encourage them to eat more healthy to cut back on the medical bills? I know a lot about nutrition from years of study but I am not an expert by any means, nor no former schooling for it, but I feel as if we have a pretty good handle on good nutrition. Granted everywhere you look you see articles on what to eat, so you would think it second nature that people would get the message. But our country's obesity and disease numbers are scary. Granted some of those diseases are due to chemicals, smoking,drugs and so on blah blah blah, but how much healthier would we be if the way we ate changed? Oh I could go on and on and bore you silly. Preaching over, but just wondering. Well, I am thinking that in a few months we might see a change in DH's bloodwork and possibly the occlusion. Should that be the case, I will try very very hard to not say "I told ya so!" Zip the lip. Not look superior. Just smile. I know it is extremely hard to work against genetics, as DH's dad died at the age of 49 from heart disease, but his mum lived into her 90's. So there you go, it's a 50/50 crap shoot.
PS My blog title today was "the last few days" but that sounded incredibly pessimistic. We agreed that we are still aiming for our 50th wedding anniversary, which would make DH 100 years old, and me 42. Cool. Good thing he married a child bride, I just keep getting younger....Here's to at least 32 more years...he promised me!                                                           

The Banner

Everywhere around us, we see banners. Banners proclaiming this political agenda, banners promoting a product, silly banners, misspelled banners, earnest banners. So many things vying for attention. It can be so overwhelming, especially those digital banners that flash and annoy you with crazy graphics while you are driving. Today an old song we used to sing at church camp came into my head "I am my beloved's and he is mine, his banner over me is love" In the Song of Solomon, in the Old Testament,is  a beautiful love story of a man wooing a woman gently. Many scholars believe it is an allegory or a metaphor in the religious sense, but I am not getting into that. Those who know the story and the symbolism behind it don't need an explanation. Those who don't would just scratch their heads and say "huh?". What I want to focus on is that Banner. The Banner of Love. The actual verse reads : "He brought me to the banquet table, his banner over me is love." I picture a lovely dinner where the King places his beloved at the head of the table and a big banner proclaiming his love for her is flying overhead to let everyone know how he loves her, how he cherishes her, and how proud he is of her. In my life, I have never known such love and devotion as from my beloved DH. He is not a big expressive guy to others, but I know that somewhere flying above my head is a big banner proclaiming how much he loves me, and it is returned tenfold. To be his wife, his beloved, has been an honor and a privilege. To care for him, to help heal his hurts, is an honor I don't take for granted. He is my dearest friend, the joy of my life.


Saw a movie set in Ireland where the bride toasts the husband. I loved it and want to repeat it here for my DH on our anniversary:

 May you never steal, lie, or cheat, but if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows, and if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life, and if you must cheat, then please cheat death because I couldn't live a day without you.

An anniversary is so personal, yet so public! We had a small wedding with friends and family and the day was perfect. Happily it was a day as beautiful as this one. I look back on that day 18 years ago and think of those who shared it with us (or maybe you've been to one of the every "5th year weddings" we have had) and I think of whom we have lost and all we have shared. I miss our dear ones who have left us and we treasure each of you who have been responsible (still!)for holding us together, especially now.  Happy anniversary, my love.
The banner over us is LOVE.

Victims and Victors

Sometimes I read the obits, OK, I actually read them all the time. I skim them for names of people I know, I skim them for date of birth...Were they elderly? Did they live a long life? Were they tragically killed as a young person? Who did they leave behind? Sometimes when I read them, a personal note is written by the family or friends, that gives you a sense of the person they were in life. Often, there is a statement that might read "He/She fought valiantly against the (name the disease) but lost his/her battle after weeks/months/years of struggle. I have yet to read one that says "Upon hearing his diagnosis of (name the disease), Joey laid back and cried, preferring to hole up in his darkened room to vegetate."
It got me thinking of the word "victim". What a loaded word! (Victim of crime. Victim of cancer. Victim of a car accident. Don't be a victim! A victim is weak and whiny.) For fun I looked up the root word of victim, since it is close to a rather strong word that conjures up power: Victor.  Ha! Strangely enough, "victim" doesn't really have a "root"word but it comes from the Latin "victima: a beast used for sacrifice and "victus" that's right: To conquer. So strangely it seems that if you are a "victim" (of circumstances/disease etc.) you may also be a victor in those circumstances. We mostly hear the word "survivor" when looking for a word for a person who fights back from an illness or circumstance. You know the ones: They join groups, they march, they raise funds, they go before panels, they seek out help from the internet/referrals from people/networking. They are breathtaking in their quest to be that person who refuses to give up. We all admire a winner, do we not? BUT there are people who have an illness/disease etc that finally takes a toll on their body/psyche/spirit and they just don't want to fight anymore. Quality of life outweighs quantity of life. If you are close to that person and they make that decision, you have horrifying mixed emotions. You want your loved one to have a life with no pain or less suffering from the "cure" but the thought of losing them is so overwhelming you feel like a selfish pig. My dad had his first heart attack at age 52. He either wasn't a candidate for surgical intervention or chose not to; I have heard it was the latter, but I really don't know. What he DID do was change his lifestyle. He changed his diet, cutting out his beloved big ice cream bowl on Sunday night and subbing it for Rice Dream. He started becoming more active (hard to do when you have had polio), he also probably ate less fast food junk (again hard to do as a traveling salesman), but he did try to change as best he could. Along with medications etc. I think he did the best he could. However, he died suddenly and unexpectedly 3 years later of a heart attack. Victor? Victim? Did he do everything he could have done? Shouldn't he have have had surgery to give himself more of a fighting chance?
Should someone with an "incurable" disease fight to the death with no hope to really prolong their life, or do what you can to live pain free in your last days? I don't know the answer. It is so personal to each person. My husband was the "victim" of a stroke. We have decided that we will do all that we can to restore our lives to those of "Victor", but there is only so much you can do. You cannot magically go into a person's brain to solder the dead spots and reconnect pathways. But as I have always believed "Focus on the cans not the cannots" So we work towards that goal with the means we have. We CAN eat healthier. We CAN exercise more. We CAN make sure meds are taken. We CAN research/network to find out what works and what doesn't. We CAN support one another when the times get tough. We CAN rely on friends and family if we need to (ok, that one is tough...) What we CANNOT do, is nothing. Like a candidate running for office, you have to believe you will win. If you start a race thinking you are gonna lose, you already have. Will the changes we make in our lives have any bearing on longevity? Who really knows? Not one single person on this planet has a guarantee of long life. But you can live the finest life you can in the moments you have.As someone pointed out to me whose husband has a serious illness: "You know I could get hit by a car on the way to taking him to the hospital."
So the choice is clear: Live like a winner or live like you've already been defeated. That is the difference between victim and victor.

Joyful in all things

We got a call from close friends who live a couple of hours from us, who wanted to make the trip down to just BE THERE for us. No pressure, no entertaining on our part, just BE HERE. I cannot possibly articulate what that has meant for us. We had a lovely lovely day of visiting, lunch out, a trip to see the cemetery where our son is doing his Eagle project next weekend, laughter, setting up Netflix. I know, it sounds run-of-the mill, but it was anything but that. It meant so very much to us to not feel adrift in the sea of despair, but along comes a raft, no a yacht really, with an "all hands on deck!" rescue. We felt loved, protected, cherished that someone took time out of their very busy lives to throw us a life preserver. Once again, I am humbled that they came down. I have tried in the past to describe "joy" to someone. It isn't reliant on happiness, but it is deeper than that. I can have a crappy day full of the day to day stuff that clogs the works, yet still feel that intrinsic joy that is unexplainable. Today was filled with joy, not just that we woke up, but that we recognize we are not alone. There is love surrounding us even in the dark moments. I hope I can give that back someday to someone who is walking through the fire. To B&B: you turned on a light that warmed our souls...To give of yourself is really the greatest gift of all.

Going to the eye wizard, err... doctor

Well, having spent a good amount of time at the new doctor's office (this is the one that we were referred to by a friend of a friend) I am now humbled once again. I am astounded at the series of miracles (I refuse to say coincidences) that culminated in this visit. Here are just some of the miracles:

1. We know the gentleman who works there from Scouts, however, we didn't know him well enough to call him up and "happen" to tell him of the stroke.
2. We DID tell our close friend who happens to be a close friend of #1
3. The doctor was booked out for many weeks, then a cancellation for the end of May showed up.
4. Got a call y'day saying: We had a cancellation for tomorrow (today: Friday), you are on the highest priority, can you make it? (uh, yeah!)
5. The Twitch Doctor (little joke) knew DH's regular eye doc and the neuro-ophthalomologist personally and was able to get some of the records ahead of time.
6. The entire staff was so accommodating and kind
7. The Doctor has been treating brain injured/stroke patients for 30 years in renewing their vision
8. Not only did he say there is hope for DH's vision, BUT in redoing some of the crucial tests, there was shown marked improvement in his field of vision! OK, the other things may look like coincidence to the skeptics, but you cannot deny the miracle of seeing better than only two weeks ago. In fact, in one of his studies, the doctor is convinced that DH's brain has created a new pathway, around the dead tissue. We are humbled to say the least. I just had to share this latest news, because I feel like laughing and crying at the same time. He will now begin the extensive studies that are required to start him on an exercise plan that will be tailored to his particular vision field. 

 Your prayers started a chain that still amazes me. They started a chain going we would never have dreamed possible... Rich to John to Jody to Dr. Bruce W.
If we were writing a movie script, no one would believe it.
Many years ago, we were on our family's cabin cruiser. Oh how my dad loved boats and other toys. I have no idea how long we had had the boat, but this one day we decided to take it out...I believe I was about 9 at the time. It was a nice day and all my brothers and sisters were there, all but one younger than me. We somehow hit a submerged log and it tore a hole in the hull and we started sinking. I remember my mom (who had a famous  two-finger LOUD whistle) was trying to get someone's attention and we were waving and yelling. I remember daddy putting us into life jackets and he was using the canned horn to call for help. I remember being so frightened! Honestly, people were waving back at us, and not really listening to our pleas for help...then I remember a vessel of some kind (I seem to recollect it was a Coast Guard boat) but it had grappling hooks on it and immediately gripped us and prevented us from sinking, then getting us to shore. Our SOS and cries for help were ignored by some, but answered by the ones who had the power to save us. Have you ever heard a cry for help from someone and were either able to help or steer them to help? Or maybe you have been that person who has cried for help and got the help you needed? I have been on both sides and realize that you have to be tuned in to hear and sensitive to help. DH told me it is hard to ask for help, yet easy to help others. Now he knows that it is a blessing for someone else to help him as he has helped others before him.Don't you feel blessed when you are able to help? Let me tell you, I am learning to ask, but know that someday we will pass it on.

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“Blessed are those who give without remembering. And blessed are those who take without forgetting.”

Bernard Meltzer